Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
