I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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