your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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