I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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