He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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