I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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