the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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