ugly people sure do ruin things
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
