your thong is hanging out like whoa
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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