i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
