I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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