You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
