I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
