his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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