I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
