talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
