I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
