He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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