i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
