Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
