Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
