Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
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So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
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I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration