Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
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I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
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I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"