You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY