Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.