Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.

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  (310): I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today. http://tfl.nu/yukz
  Replies (8) Good night (5327) Bad night (743)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  The recession has changed everything man.

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  (412): Why are there hot girls at the dollar store? (410): The recession has changed everything man. http://tfl.nu/jvje
  Replies (9) Good night (3243) Bad night (585)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.

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  (570): If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid. http://tfl.nu/ujtp
  Replies (16) Good night (878) Bad night (3502)
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  (818): View more from California

  I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.

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  (818): I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever. http://tfl.nu/1b0y
  Replies (57) Good night (1410) Bad night (7456)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?

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  (405): i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk? http://tfl.nu/idqr
  Replies (25) Good night (5515) Bad night (1628)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...

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  (605): His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life... http://tfl.nu/cy2e
  Replies (5) Good night (1162) Bad night (2916)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party

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  (613): Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party http://tfl.nu/4m7c
  Replies (4) Good night (1240) Bad night (541)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me

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  (214): I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me http://tfl.nu/sx3p
  Replies (9) Good night (1521) Bad night (873)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.

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  (302): Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you. http://tfl.nu/p99c
  Replies (7) Good night (1508) Bad night (612)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr

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  (507): Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr http://tfl.nu/hq3c
  Replies (3) Good night (1111) Bad night (596)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.

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  (917): bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was. http://tfl.nu/th2f
  Replies (3) Good night (2253) Bad night (515)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear

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  (215): I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear http://tfl.nu/l6yx
  Replies (2) Good night (382) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.

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  (915): I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday. http://tfl.nu/5xu3
  Replies (5) Good night (403) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.

  (313): View more from Michigan

  No promises

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  (248): Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year. (313): No promises http://tfl.nu/55qj
  Replies (2) Good night (654) Bad night (382)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..

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  (785): Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom.. http://tfl.nu/34oi
  Replies (1) Good night (285) Bad night (426)

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