I can tuck mytits in my pants
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
