so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
