batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
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i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
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No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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