yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
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her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
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I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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