worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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