It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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