I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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