No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
