Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
