The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
