She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
