omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
