So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
it was like eating out sand paper
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
