im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
