The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
