You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
