You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
