and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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