My room smells like vodka and shame
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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