dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There r osticjed everywhere
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
