She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
