Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
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I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
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I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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