come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
