and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
