you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
