every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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