Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
