I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
