put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
