I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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