OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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