is your mom at the bar?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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