My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
