3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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