I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My dick has a subreddit
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
