do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
