Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
