I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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