Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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