I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
