I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
