my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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