I think i peed on brittanys purse
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
