some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
