I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
