those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
