You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
