"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
