She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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